I.
ABOUT
I am Christina Zayas, an Initiatrix, Shadow Alchemist, and Dark-Feminine Embodiment Mentor. My work sits at the intersection of Hermetic ritual and modern psychology, transforming buried pain into creative energy and guiding women to claim the authority that has always dwelled within their bones.
I founded Cultesh on February 2, 2021, driven by one vow: to guide women back home to themselves after years, sometimes lifetimes, of self-abandonment. Then, a different kind of awakening arrived: dark, romantic, and all-consuming. It drew me into the void like a seed into black soil, and I met the role I was always meant to hold: the Initiatrix. When I surfaced, breadcrumbs of remembrance marked the path forward.
Kabbalah spoke first about mapping the architecture of consciousness. Babalon appeared next, burning with erotic sovereignty and uncompromising truth. Thelema followed—its mandate of True Will ringing like iron in my blood. Each revelation opened its own rite until the pattern was unmistakable: I was being instructed to initiate other women.
Worship to Will was born from that directive, a six-gate passage across the Veil of Paroketh for those ready to retire the mask and live as a walking altar.
Initiatrix of Cultesh, Christina Zayas
II.
THE WOMAN BEHIND THE VEIL
There was a season when I knew only how to exit my body. The first escape came in childhood, a silent slide out of flesh when reality cut too sharp. At fourteen, I found a faster exit: alcohol. One sip and the girl who hurt disappeared behind someone louder, bolder, easier to applaud. Each drink felt like a spell of forgetfulness, but the emptiness always resurfaced, angrier for being ignored. Self-harm followed, a ritual to prove I could still feel something, anything.
My twenties blurred into broken love affairs and friendships that I made people audition for, sure I was unworthy of devotion. I called it independence; in truth, it was barricades built from shame.
At thirty-four, I quit drinking. Sobriety didn’t hand me peace; it handed me presence, and presence demanded I face everything I had outrun. Four years later, a breakup shattered the last illusion of safety, shoving me deeper into silence and shadow than I had ever dared go.
I have been descending ever since: into archetype, ancestral memory, dark feminine embodiment, Hermetic ritual, occultism, plant-medicine, and the vow of celibacy that turned desire into creative voltage. In that descent, I met the only rescuer truly equipped for the task—myself. The love, protection, and validation I had begged from the world lived in my marrow the entire time.
Shadow Work became the rope I lowered into my own underworld. Each return trip surfaced another fragment of power, another piece of a body that now feels like home.
Today, through Cultesh, I hand you that rope.
III.
THE HEART OF CULTESH
I am not here to perform healing; I am here to host transformation. The work we do weaves shadow alchemy, transforming dark material into clean fuel through embodied eros, where desire is rewired to carry wisdom rather than chaos.
Every sentence we speak is a spell in a language recoded for power, and each insight is anchored in the nervous system with Hermetic breath-and-body rites so it survives Monday morning. All of it unfolds inside gated initiatory passages that lead to embodiment, never dependency.
Whether you step into Worship to Will, or enter a future mystery school, the aim is unchanged: stop upgrading the mask and start retiring it, so the woman beneath can finally live in full view.
Photographed by Margaret Madeleine
Maybe your escape wasn’t alcohol; maybe it was hustle, perfection, spiritual bypass, or the next shiny method. Whatever carried you out of yourself, you are here because the exit no longer satisfies. You want inhabitation. You want the pulse beneath the performance. I won’t promise ease, but I can promise depth, clarity, and a body that feels like yours again.